SURPRISE!

For the last year and half, Ryan and I have been going through some different fertility treatments, and lots of blood work and testing while trying to have another baby. It started out with different amounts of Clomid, the drug we used to get pregnant with Easton. But after the Clomid was prescribed in higher and higher amounts, and I was responding less and less, the doctor suggested we try a more aggressive approach. He started me on Follistim injections in conjunction with low doses of Clomid, hoping that the combination of the two would get results. When you are on Follistim, they check your blood work, looking at your estrodial levels, and once those are over 100, you go in to the doctor to get an ultrasound to measure the follicles in each ovary. The hope is that a couple will grow to at least 2 cm, which would make them ready for the HCG trigger shot to release the eggs into your Fallopian tubes, and hopefully from there be fertilized. Sexy right? Anyway, I did two rounds of this process, but the follicles never grew enough for me to receive the HCG trigger. The last and final time we did the whole process, my follicles had finally matured! I had three nice big ones, and they sent me home with the HCG shot. Ryan gave it to me that night, and we waited a good week and half with high hopes that the pregnancy test would show a positive result. Unfortunately we didn't get the result we had hoped for. We had already decided that would be our last round of Follistim for the forseeable future, and we would be putting the idea of baby #2 on the back burner for awhile and instead turn our focus to the family we already had. I had some of the Follistim and HCG left over in the fridge at home, I asked him if it would be ok to use the remaining amounts during my future cycles and just see what happened. He didn't want me to use the Follistim without being closely monitored by him and his staff. But he did say I could give myself the HCG trigger shot if a home ovulation test showed that I was ovulating during a cycle. So, we did that shot during my next cycle and then completely forgot about it. When my next period was due, I took a pregnancy test and expected to see the negative result that I had gotten. A few weeks later was when I headed up to Utah at the end of March. While I was working and staying with Kristin in the hotel I kept telling her how crazy of symptoms I was having, I also told my mom all about them. I was feeling super exhausted, light headed, and having a very tender and sensitive chest. I kept joking that they were all pregnancy symptoms, but my test had clearly been negative! I even took another test in Utah, I swore I had seen a very faint positive result, but chalked it up to wishful thinking because when I showed my mom and Kristin, they both sadly told me that they didn't see it. 

As soon as I came back home to Las Vegas, I scheduled two appointments: one with my family doctor, Dr. Allen to have allergy testing done, and another with Dr. Swainston to have my hormone levels checked. I thought for sure that all these symptoms were being caused by all the fertility treatments I'd been on.

I went into Dr. Allen first, and told him I wanted an allergy shot because it had been such a miserable spring for me! He said if I even was thinking of trying to get pregnant, the shot was a bad idea, and we should do testing, and take a blood sample to get a precise pregnancy test result. 

MUCH TO MY SURPRISE, they called back the next day, while I was at our neighborhood Easter Egg Hunt, and the nurse told me my blood test had come back positive! I was completely blown away, and went to Walgreens right after the hunt to get a test, that one came back positive too! I was totally floored, and so excited! I called Dr. Swainston's office and changed my consultation appointment to a new pregnancy appointment, and I was able to get in to see them the next week! We didn't hear the heartbeat yet, and it was confirmed that I was just 6 weeks along. 

We are SO excited, and can't wait to have this next baby join our family. Easton can't wait, he changes all the time between thinking it's a boy or a girl, he has named it multiple different names, but the one he comes up with the most is Alex. Haha, don't know where that came from! He loves going to appointments with me and seeing the baby on the ultrasound screen. It's definitely our favorite day of the month to go in! 

can you believe it!?

second appointment ultrasound: 7 weeks, 2 days

Update on Infertility

I don't really know what to call this stage of my life. I hate identifying myself with 'infertility' not because I'm ashamed or there is something wrong with it, I just hate the way it consumes you.
Last I wrote about everything was in January, I had done one round of Follistim injections, which didn't work, and I was ready for a break. Well, I took a break, it was awesome, and really good for me to feel like myself again.
I didn't want to wait too long before starting on the injections one last time. Dr. Swainston told me that we could move my dose of injections up one more time, but if that still didn't work then, after that he would need to refer me to a fertility specialist. So in May I went back, and got the injections again, went home, started my Provera (medication that makes my menstrual cycle start). Once I started my cycle, I realized that we would be in Utah during the time I needed to do the injections and go in for my  follicle count ultrasounds and blood tests. So I called the office, and they said I needed to wait until I got back since they didn't want me to be traveling while on the Follistim injections schedule.
So, once we got back, I started on the Provera again, finally got my cycle to start, and went in for my first follicle count ultrasound. While I was there, Dr. Swainston saw something on the screen that concerned him. He asked if I was pregnant, it seemed like it was a miscarriage because there was no heartbeat, and my heart dropped. He also thought it may be a cyst or polyp, but they had me do a pregnancy test to make sure. The test came back negative. So they scheduled me to come back for a second ultrasound a week later, at the end of my cycle, to see if whatever it was had passed or was still there.
I went in for that ultrasound last week, the tech doing it didn't seem to see anything that she thought would be cause for concern, but when I talked to Dr. Swainston he said there was a grape-sized polyp in my uterus and that I would need to have it removed by preforming a hysteroscopy. He said that a lot of times, they polyps can act as an IUD and prevent implantation from taking place.
So, tomorrow I will be calling the surgical coordinator at the surgical center to schedule that procedure. I am so glad that they did find something that could be fixed. It is so much better know that there is something that I can do physically to help myself, and not just wonder why I am not getting pregnant.

Update

So since I last checked in with the Infertility stuff last week, I went back to the doctor and got more news. Ryan came with me on Sunday to meet my doctor at the office. He was so great to meet us there when it was his day off. He needed to do another ultrasound to check if my follicle containing my eggs had grown anymore in the next couple days.
Unfortunately they hadn't. My follicles were all super tiny still, and even though I have tons of eggs, none were big enough for me to respond well to the HCG injection I was hoping to get.
Since I have so many eggs, but they don't mature, he diagnosed me with PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome). He said that with the next round of fertility medications he'd like to almost double the dose and hope that it would stimulate my ovaries more to get a better growth of the follicles.

After the past 7 months being on fertility medications, and going in for blood work labs, and consults, and ultrasounds, feeling like I live at the doctors office/pharmacy, and that my life revolves around the schedules THEY give me...I've decided to take a break. I need the time to myself, to focus on something else, and to stop putting so much pressure on my body when I have no control over the result, no matter how much time and money I spend thinking about it.

I am hoping that in the next couple months I will feel rejuvenated and ready to start up again with a more positive attitude, but for now, I'm drained of all these emotions that come with fertility treatments, and I need a little break.

Infertility

I've debated writing about this for a long time, but recently I've had a lot of new things going on, and I really wanted to get them written down so that I could have them for my own future reference. Also, recently I've had a lot of people ask me things like, "Are you going to have more kids?" and "When are you having another?" I wish the answers to these questions were easier for me to answer than they are...I never know how much detail to go into with people on the subject before I scare them off and they don't know what to say....I don't want anyone to feel like that! So if you want to know details about my infertility process, read on! (If not, scroll down to other blog posts with cute pictures :)

A little bit of background: One of the factors I have to go around while dealing with pregnancies is that fact that I have amenorrhea. Amenorrhea is the absence of a menstrual cycle. Every girl that I tell about this problem is always so jealous that I don't have a period....honestly, it is nice, UNTIL you want to get pregnant, then it poses quite a problem.

When I got pregnant with Easton, I had to go on Clomid after 10 months of no luck on our own. This was before I knew about amenorrhea, and each of those ten months, I would think, "this is it, I must be pregnant since I'm not having a period." Once I went into the doctor, he prescribed Provera and Clomid. (Provera is a 10-day medication which forces a period cycle to start.) Once you start your cycle, you start taking the Clomid for 5 days, on day 3-7. I was really lucky with Easton, because it only took one round of 50 mg of Clomid to get pregnant. I thought, "Great! Now when I want another kid, I'll just go to the doctor, get another prescription of Clomid, and it will work and be easy and perfect"....I was wrong.

Now fast forward to last July (2012). Once Easton turned one, we thought, we could start trying for another baby, we were going to wait until the fall, but figured why not start now, they could be close in age and be best friends! So I went into my doctor, got the Provera, and 50 mg Clomid prescribed.  I thought I'd be pregnant in August, and due in May. I went in at the end of the cycle for my blood work to be done. (My doctor here checks your progesterone levels while on Clomid therapy. Progesterone levels should ideally be around 10-15 to get pregnant.) I don't remember exactly what my number was after this first round, but I know it was lower that they'd like, maybe a 5?
Well, that cycle came and went....pregnancy test came back negative. I was shocked! I thought it was crazy, and for sure it would work the next time.
Next cycle, again the Provera and 50 mg Clomid....my progesterone levels came back lower than the first time, which of course resulted in another negative pregnancy test.
Third cycle of Provera and this time 100 mg Clomid (this made me super hopeful)....my progesterone levels came back low again, and another negative pregnancy test.
Fourth cycle, Provera and 150 mg Clomid....progesterone levels came back less that 0.5%! Horrible! And I was on a triple dose! I was so confused and frustrated and annoyed.

Finally, instead of starting another cycle of Clomid, I decided to schedule a consult with my doctor to find out what was going on, and what else I could do. Miraculously, 3 days before my appointment, I started my cycle on my own, NO PROVERA! Crazy! That is only the second time I've started my period on my own without medicinal help. So, I was super excited to go in, talk to the doctor, and have the timing right for starting he next round of fertility treatments.

After going over all my past numbers and test results, Dr. Swainston gave me a couple options to go forward with. He had mentioned that it seemed my body was becoming more and more desensitized to Clomid, and it wouldn't really be worth the time or money to continue on that route. So we decided on a treatment which goes the injection route vs the pill route.
So, right now, I'm in the middle of doing Follistim injections. These injections are what a lot of women do when they plan to do IUI. We won't be doing IUI though because of the high cost. The follistim helps the eggs in your ovaries grow, and once they are grown, they give an HCG injection which cause the follicle, that holds the eggs, to burst and descend and be ready for fertilization. You go in for blood tests to check your estrogen levels, and want the levels to be up around 100 before you get the HCG injection.
So, Ryan gives me the injections each night. I went in Sunday for my first blood test, those estrogen level results came back and they were at 53. So I went in again on Wednesday, those results came back at 96. That brings us to today...(phew!)
Today, I went in for an ultrasound to measure my follicles. The follicles should ideally be around 2 cm each before they like to give the HCG injection. I had 4 follicles, one was measured at 0.9 cm, and three others were at 0.8 cm. Geez! Dr. Swainston commented that I have very stubborn ovaries...I agree! Since the follicles aren't really big enough yet, he didn't do the HCG injection today. So tonight Ryan will give my my last follistim injection, and then we will meet Dr. Swainston back at the office on Sunday morning to have another ultrasound to check the growth of the follicles. We are hoping they are nice and big and ready for the HCG injection by then!

So,that's me in a nutshell I guess. Congratulations if you made it through all of that and followed thr details the whole time. (You can now understand why I needed it all written down to remember it now right?)

So, even though I am not pregnant, and I am learning a lot about myself, and I am being taught that value of patience every day. It seems like everyone I know is getting pregnant, or just recently had a baby, so while I have been feeling alone in this process, I know I'm not. Sooo many women deal with fertility problems, and I don't know why it has become an awkward and unspoken-of subject since so many people are affected by it.
I guess, if anything, I just want people to know that I AM ok. I AM happy for others when they are able to get pregnant. I DO understand that in the long run, no matter what Dr. Swainston and Ryan and  I do, it's not really in our hands, or in our timing. Going through all of this is definitely the most emotional process I've ever been through. It brings up feelings of jealousy, confusion, and frustration...but it also make me feel incredibly grateful for the things that I do have, and I am so grateful that I have my perfect little son Easton. I can't imagine how much harder this would be if I hadn't already had a child. He is my saving grace, and brings me comfort and peace to know that if I was able to have him, I am fine.