Infertility

I've debated writing about this for a long time, but recently I've had a lot of new things going on, and I really wanted to get them written down so that I could have them for my own future reference. Also, recently I've had a lot of people ask me things like, "Are you going to have more kids?" and "When are you having another?" I wish the answers to these questions were easier for me to answer than they are...I never know how much detail to go into with people on the subject before I scare them off and they don't know what to say....I don't want anyone to feel like that! So if you want to know details about my infertility process, read on! (If not, scroll down to other blog posts with cute pictures :)

A little bit of background: One of the factors I have to go around while dealing with pregnancies is that fact that I have amenorrhea. Amenorrhea is the absence of a menstrual cycle. Every girl that I tell about this problem is always so jealous that I don't have a period....honestly, it is nice, UNTIL you want to get pregnant, then it poses quite a problem.

When I got pregnant with Easton, I had to go on Clomid after 10 months of no luck on our own. This was before I knew about amenorrhea, and each of those ten months, I would think, "this is it, I must be pregnant since I'm not having a period." Once I went into the doctor, he prescribed Provera and Clomid. (Provera is a 10-day medication which forces a period cycle to start.) Once you start your cycle, you start taking the Clomid for 5 days, on day 3-7. I was really lucky with Easton, because it only took one round of 50 mg of Clomid to get pregnant. I thought, "Great! Now when I want another kid, I'll just go to the doctor, get another prescription of Clomid, and it will work and be easy and perfect"....I was wrong.

Now fast forward to last July (2012). Once Easton turned one, we thought, we could start trying for another baby, we were going to wait until the fall, but figured why not start now, they could be close in age and be best friends! So I went into my doctor, got the Provera, and 50 mg Clomid prescribed.  I thought I'd be pregnant in August, and due in May. I went in at the end of the cycle for my blood work to be done. (My doctor here checks your progesterone levels while on Clomid therapy. Progesterone levels should ideally be around 10-15 to get pregnant.) I don't remember exactly what my number was after this first round, but I know it was lower that they'd like, maybe a 5?
Well, that cycle came and went....pregnancy test came back negative. I was shocked! I thought it was crazy, and for sure it would work the next time.
Next cycle, again the Provera and 50 mg Clomid....my progesterone levels came back lower than the first time, which of course resulted in another negative pregnancy test.
Third cycle of Provera and this time 100 mg Clomid (this made me super hopeful)....my progesterone levels came back low again, and another negative pregnancy test.
Fourth cycle, Provera and 150 mg Clomid....progesterone levels came back less that 0.5%! Horrible! And I was on a triple dose! I was so confused and frustrated and annoyed.

Finally, instead of starting another cycle of Clomid, I decided to schedule a consult with my doctor to find out what was going on, and what else I could do. Miraculously, 3 days before my appointment, I started my cycle on my own, NO PROVERA! Crazy! That is only the second time I've started my period on my own without medicinal help. So, I was super excited to go in, talk to the doctor, and have the timing right for starting he next round of fertility treatments.

After going over all my past numbers and test results, Dr. Swainston gave me a couple options to go forward with. He had mentioned that it seemed my body was becoming more and more desensitized to Clomid, and it wouldn't really be worth the time or money to continue on that route. So we decided on a treatment which goes the injection route vs the pill route.
So, right now, I'm in the middle of doing Follistim injections. These injections are what a lot of women do when they plan to do IUI. We won't be doing IUI though because of the high cost. The follistim helps the eggs in your ovaries grow, and once they are grown, they give an HCG injection which cause the follicle, that holds the eggs, to burst and descend and be ready for fertilization. You go in for blood tests to check your estrogen levels, and want the levels to be up around 100 before you get the HCG injection.
So, Ryan gives me the injections each night. I went in Sunday for my first blood test, those estrogen level results came back and they were at 53. So I went in again on Wednesday, those results came back at 96. That brings us to today...(phew!)
Today, I went in for an ultrasound to measure my follicles. The follicles should ideally be around 2 cm each before they like to give the HCG injection. I had 4 follicles, one was measured at 0.9 cm, and three others were at 0.8 cm. Geez! Dr. Swainston commented that I have very stubborn ovaries...I agree! Since the follicles aren't really big enough yet, he didn't do the HCG injection today. So tonight Ryan will give my my last follistim injection, and then we will meet Dr. Swainston back at the office on Sunday morning to have another ultrasound to check the growth of the follicles. We are hoping they are nice and big and ready for the HCG injection by then!

So,that's me in a nutshell I guess. Congratulations if you made it through all of that and followed thr details the whole time. (You can now understand why I needed it all written down to remember it now right?)

So, even though I am not pregnant, and I am learning a lot about myself, and I am being taught that value of patience every day. It seems like everyone I know is getting pregnant, or just recently had a baby, so while I have been feeling alone in this process, I know I'm not. Sooo many women deal with fertility problems, and I don't know why it has become an awkward and unspoken-of subject since so many people are affected by it.
I guess, if anything, I just want people to know that I AM ok. I AM happy for others when they are able to get pregnant. I DO understand that in the long run, no matter what Dr. Swainston and Ryan and  I do, it's not really in our hands, or in our timing. Going through all of this is definitely the most emotional process I've ever been through. It brings up feelings of jealousy, confusion, and frustration...but it also make me feel incredibly grateful for the things that I do have, and I am so grateful that I have my perfect little son Easton. I can't imagine how much harder this would be if I hadn't already had a child. He is my saving grace, and brings me comfort and peace to know that if I was able to have him, I am fine.